People often ask when I want to have another child and I tell them “Not for a while” because I am hoping that in a couple of years I might be ready, but the truth is I might not ever be ready.
Having Ivy has changed me, I have loved like never before, and I can’t imagine how I could love anyone else the same. Although everyone tells me I will.
I always thought I wanted to have 2 children. I want Ivy to be a big sister but I never realised I might have these feelings of nervousness and fear.
Right now life feels complete, life is easy and we have a good routine going. I love being a mum, we have fun and I can handle it. Don’t get me wrong, there are hard days, some days where the little miss drives me a bit crazy. But as I said, I can handle it.
I see new, little babies around and they’re adorable. It reminds me of when Ivy was tiny, fresh and so so cute but it also reminds me of how hard it can be. Sleepless nights (which we still have sometimes), the crazy hormones that come for the first few months after birth and are out of control, a dependent, helpless little human who wants to feed every hour or two with engorged boobs and sore nipples!
Ivy is growing up now and doesn’t need me for absolutely everything anymore. She can feed herself, entertain herself, we can comunicate well, I’m beginning to wean and we’re even starting to talk about toilet training in the near future. I like this stage of life and worry about doing it all over again. I don’t know how I will handle it with another child in tow.
I know we’re not done. I imagine our life with another little munchkin running around and I definitely want Ivy to have a brother or sister, just not yet. I might also add that Ivy should not be an only child. That, in the end, would probably be harder to deal with than having two babies for a few years… anyway…
This is what I want to say to my second (unborn) child:
Though you have not yet been conceived and right now the thought of you scares me
There will probably be nervous thoughts when we find out you are coming but I promise to love you.
I look forward to feeling you grow in my tummy, to feel your kicks and wiggles.
There will be tears of joy the day we first get to see you on an ultrasound screen, to see that you are real.
The day you enter the world and I see you for the first time, trace your face, feel your hand wrap around my finger, hold you and feed you, we will bond like a mother and child do.
Please be patient with me, I imagine the adjustment might be a bit hard to begin with but we will find our rhythm together.
I look forward to seeing how different you might be from your sister, to have the chance to raise another individual who will teach me new things and show me new ways of patients, love and joy.
I hope to be a wonderful mother, just forgive me for when I am tired and cranky, know that I love you.
You’re going to be the perfect addition to our family and I look forward to meeting you one day.