I cannot handle awkward silences. I would rather endure hours of conversation about the weather, video games or politics than sit in silence. I’m almost as awkward in silence as I am when someone starts crying…
There are few people in my life that I am okay sitting in silence with. Very few. Even some friends that I have had for years and I would consider ‘close friends’, I still feel extremely uncomfortable when there is nothing to say.
The worst is when I can see it on their face too. They’re looking at me and I can see the frantic searching on their face. Searching for something to say, a topic to talk about… anything! Other people are probably usually fine with a bit of silence. Not me. No. I get awkward, I make them feel awkward, it gets awkward. Then we are stuck in this moment of feeling like being anywhere else but with each other when we’re both pulling blanks on what to talk about.
I was terrible at dating for this very reason. The day I got married was the best day of my life for more reasons than just the usual. I knew that I wouldn’t have to worry or deal with my horrible dating awkwardness anymore. I didn’t really rate a date based upon ‘sparks’ or ‘chemistry’. Well not the first date anyway. It was all about how well the conversation went and/or his conversation skills. I didn’t need any of this romantic crap to sweep me off my feet. No fancy restaurant or bunch of flowers. If he was able to fix an awkward silence by coming up with something incredibly interesting to talk about or distract me with a witty comment, he was in. I had many first dates that never turned into anything more because of this, even though it is probably a very normal thing to happen when you’re first getting to know someone, my awkwardness couldn’t handle it.
Unfortunately, the awkward dating wasn’t over for me though. Since becoming a mum I have had to start ‘dating’ other mums because once you’re a mum, you need other mum friends… it’s imperative to your sanity to have someone else who completely understands, and although I already had some mummy friends, I didn’t have many. Well at least not many that I was close enough with to be able to discuss things like baby bowel movements, lack of sleep, engorged boobs, leaking boobs, returning of periods etc. etc.
So the dating began again, and thank goodness babies are fantastic ice-breakers!! If things got quiet or awkward, I could just direct the attention onto Ivy. And if that didn’t work, babies are also a great reason to leave early. Thank-you Ivy!